First big tiff and some news

Well...."E" and I have survived our first fight. Barely.

The setup? Her roommate's birthday party, saturday night. It was a pretty good time overall, with a couple of her friends going out of their way to try to talk to me. However, it made me fairly uncomfortable that none of her friends really had anything nice to say about her. At one point one of her pals said to me "you gotta watch it with "E", she's the kinda girl that will gut you, just as a joke, and you won't ever understand what the joke was." And I know he's joking, "E" has worked really hard to achieve an air of cruelty, unphasability, and distance.....but what do you say to something like that.

Also, I mentioned that she used to be a bit of a party girl....well that came up a few times, in a few different ways. Mostly the sleeping around side of the party life way. I'm just not sure what a guy's supposed to do when his girlfriend's friends basically call her a slut. I know she liked to have fun back in the day, and I'm pretty sure she was "intimate" with more than one of the guys (and girls?) around that table at one point or another. Frankly....in the complete abstract, I'm fine with her history......I really don't think she's like that anymore and I genuinely believe she's ready to settle down with the right guy, but it makes me sick to my stomach, thinking that all these people have shared something with her that I've always considered to be pretty special, and having it more or less rubbed right in my face that it's not (or at least wasn't) special to her. And what is a guy supposed to do? Do you just play along with the joke "....haha....slut!!!"? Do you defend her honor and punch out any guy who seems in on it? Just try to steer the conversation elsewhere? Or do you just do what I tried to do, act as undisturbed as possible, and hope for a hug to cheer you up as soon as you get home?

Well, by the time we left, I was well past my threshold for a bunch of things. I was the DD in a group that was having a lot of fun drinking. I'm shy at the best of times, and "E" was the only person I really knew at the gathering, which I tend to find exhausting at best. And as the DD I was sober, making me a little bit more shy. And I was hungry, we had a small supper thinking we'd eat at the pub, however I didn't really like the look of the menu so I just went without. Plus there was my discomfort with the turns the conversations had taken. So yeah, when we left, it was definitely time to go.

So we get out to the car, and "E" pretty much immediately noticed that I was upset, and assumed it was with her. I told her that yes I was a bit upset, but it wasn't with her (cause really....it wasn't), so it could wait till we got home. She kept bugging me about me being upset, finally declaring that she knew what I was upset about.....thinking that I was upset about her past.

Really, I don't even know her past. I've specifically avoided asking about it, because I don't really need to know. I know she's slept with more people than I have. Heck, I suspect she may have even slept with more women that I have. But what would knowing any of that for sure one way or the other actually do for me? Sure, I have my little guess in my head...4-5 years or whoopin' er up gives you lots of opportunities, but I don't need the real number. Either A: i'm right B: my guess is too low or C: my guess is too high. Other than than confirming my curiousity, and maybe making myself a bit ill, no good can come from this.

So yeah, back to the other night. I told her that it wasn't her past itself that upset me, but how everyone seemed to think it was such an interesting topic to talk about in front of her new(ish) boyfriend. I told her that made me feel really uncomfortable but that I wasn't mad at her and that I love her. She kinda hid on her side of the car, and avoided touching my hand, and mumbled that no, I didn't. So we drove for a while and finally I got her to chat a bit. But then she says some more about how I don't really love her, and that despite me saying that her past isn't important, that it obviously is and that things will never work between us.

I had kinda hit my breaking point by then. All I'd wanted when we left the pub was a little reassurance that she loved me and wanted to be with me I probably would have been fine. So why the hell was I getting told that I don't love her and that our relationship was doomed? So I very calmly asked "E" that "if you don't believe that I love you, and you don't think this relationship is going to work, then would you like me to finish driving to my place? We'll pack up all of your stuff into your truck, and since I am sober, I will drive you back to your place and then take a cab back home, and we can forget this entire mess. Is that what you want?" Well, she started crying uncontrollably, and she is not a crier. So we got home, and didn't talk at all for a while. Let the dogs out, and back in, etc. Then finally she came over and let me hug her. And she cried, and she told me that was the meanest thing I'd ever said to her. And I promised that it would be the meanest thing I would ever said to her, but I wasn't saying it to be mean....if she didn't want to make it work, there was no sense in even trying.

So we cuddled for a while, and felt a bit better, and she made us sandwiches. And we talked some more.....and we agreed, I'll try harder not to get upset by her friends teasing, and she'd try harder not to get upset just because I'm upset. So it looks like we got through it. Quite often in a relationship it's good to get that first fight out of the way....you get to see each others conflict styles....and it's proof that you can work things out. I can't say I feel a whole lot better overall for it though. But we'll see....

Oh yeah...for the "E" news; she's moving in. I know it's ridiculously fast, but I have been wanting to get a roomie to help with the bills, and plus she's really handy and helpful around the house. Much better than my last room mate. We've been hanging out nearly 24/7 for the last month (except for when I'm at work), and really no sign of strife, so I'm hoping it goes well. She told her roomies at the pub the other night, and she doesn't really have much stuff there so it should be pretty quick to get that all in. She does have a bunch of stuff at her ex's place, but she's hesitant to commit to a schedule for going to get it....hmm. I don't know what that means if anything. I know she's a bit afraid that he's going to go ballistic when it becomes obvious that she's really gone for good, so I hope that's all it is. I really hope that it's not a case of her wanting to leave the door open for herself to go back. Long-term relationships like that are so hard to finally leave behind completely. She didn't have much space where she was living so I know she only moved the essentials....hope she/we get the rest of her stuff sooner than later.

I guess in the end, except for the horrific pain of a broken heart, there's no downside to her moving in. Upside....g/f around whenever I want, puppies get extra attention, she likes to cook and clean and shop with and without me, and she's going to pay some rent so it's not like i'm supporting her. Downside....if it's not going to work it's gonna blow up in a hurry probably. But I guess that's not really a bad thing. At my age I need to know if she's the one sooner than later. I think she is....but this is a good way to help find out.