Not as scared as I thought I would be

Last night "E" and I had a bunch of good chats. It started out with me being slightly annoyed, because she left her place to come to mine at 5pm when she had told me earlier that she'd be at my place BY 5pm. Obviously not the same thing. I've always been a stickler for punctuality, but I know that's not exactly her strong suit....so I guess I should lighten up a bit, and ride the middle ground....at least she texted me at 5 telling me she was on her way. So yeah....kinda a stupid thing to fight about, but whatever....water under the fridge as one of my weird newfie coworkers says.

After I was finished being a jerk, I finally remembered that she'd had a pretty awful day. Between a job she was supposed to be starting seeming to fall through, getting hassle from her old roomies about moving out, and having to borrow money to pay the rent at her old place, she wasn't feeling too good. So we talked, and hugged and I tried to make her feel better.

Once she seemed to be cheered up a bit, we got down to fixing my bed. I hadn't really noticed how squeaky it was until a house guest "C" complained that she could hear it. Whoops!! When we were cuddling, I suggested we might want to do a little bit more, but "E" said she was more in just a cuddling mood. Since she's very rarely in "just a cuddling mood" I suspected something was up. Turns out it wasn't a big deal, just her monthly lady business. She'd taken her last 2 packs of pills back to back to skip her period but was kinda weirded out about it and wanted to make sure she wasn't pregnant when there was still time to deal with it. No worries, fair enough.

So the rest of the evening went on, with her being in a pretty frisky mood all night. We watched a movie, and barely made it to the end, before heading up to bed. When we got to bed she looked at me shyly and said something like "you know, a little bit of me was disappointed". Since this really didn't have any context at the time, I asked about what, and she told me...

Apparently she was the tiniest bit disappointed that she wasn't pregnant because she'd love to have children with me. Wow. The old me would have run away right then....or at least started the slow departure.....but not this time. "E" must really be the one....we did quickly reconfirm that neither of us are ready right now....but that I'm able to discuss having children is just amazing to me. Fuck I love her so much.