This is a question that's come up a few times when I tell people about "E" and how well things are going. Basically, people want to know how I know she's the one, and what makes her different than other girls.
Well...for starters, it just feels different. Whether it's my heart (aw...so sweet) or my guts (ew :p ) doing the talking, something just tells me that this is different. But maybe that's not good enough. I mean, everyone feels good about a new relationship, otherwise you wouldn't have let things progress past the 3rd date. If it doesn't feel good at the beginning, it's probably not going to become amazing. But why do I think this is going to work and not be a relationship that starts out good and then fizzles out? Well, I'll try to logically examine things.
1) We were friends first and are becoming best friends. Most successful long-term relationships are based on the people involved being best friends. It's maybe too soon to call "E" my best friend, but she's climbing right up there. I've told her things I've never told anybody, and she's told me things that I suspect she hasn't told a lot of people. Ignoring the fact that we dated 12 years ago, since it's mostly irrelevant (although makes for a pretty cool story), we started chatting on facebook about a year ago, and started hanging out regularly in Aug/Sept last year. Our friendship was well established before we started dating.
2) I was not single for a long period of time. Not the best thing to advertise, but I don't really do well with being single. I know people always say you should be comfortable with yourself, yadda yadda yadda, but I don't care. When I'm single, I get lonely. My self esteem goes way down, and my shyness goes way way up. I have zero self-confidence. I get completely paralyzed around any girl I might actually be interested in. If by some chance I do get an "in" with a girl, I get clingy and border-line stalkerish. These are not good things. Also, as anyone who knows me will tell you, that's not what I'm like. I tend to make really poor choices when I'm single, but am unable to see how poor they are because I've become convinced that I can't do any better....that I don't DESERVE any better. I become willing to put up with all sorts of things that I wouldn't otherwise tolerate, and still think it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. After a while, my confidence and self-esteem always returns and I start noticing how crappy things have been, and that's when I realize I'd been putting lipstick on a pig.
With "E", we pretty much started dating right out of the ashes of my relationship with "T". We'd been friends already for a few months, and I'll admit I had already started to develop "romantic" feelings for her before "T" and I broke up. I could tell "E" had feelings for me too, so it was with a great deal of confidence that I ended things with "T". Was this fair to "T"? Probably not, however, when we finally ended it, she stated that she had been considering breaking up with me for weeks prior. Why she didn't, I don't know, but I think we were both to blame in our relationship dragging out much longer than it should have.
3) No major violations of "How to care for your Ren" Nobody is perfect but some people are certainly better than others. I wouldn't expect anyone to know everything about me right off the bat, it's a long-term process. The big difference between "E" and a lot of girls is that "E" actually listens to me when I mention I don't like something, and tries to change things to suit me. "E" does know about this blog, and was a bit upset when she thought that a few of the recommendations were pointed at her. But the thing is, she did the stuff she was worried about once or twice tops, we talked about it, and she said she'd try harder. That's all it takes, making an effort.
4) Two-way communication. How big is this? Hmm. When we're upset, we both tend to get pouty and stubborn. But then we come back to the table and we talk about it. We haven't had a disagreement yet that we haven't been able to find some middle ground on, and that's awesome. This can be the deal-breaker for a lot of couples. You may get along fine day to day, but it's how you deal with things when you're not getting along that will determine if you're set for the long haul.
5) We're more similar than you would think. I got straight A's in high school, went right to university, and have been working as a pharmacist for the last 8 years. She did well in some things in school, but definitely didn't "get" math or science. She didn't go to university, partied it up for a couple years, and actually spent most of the last 5 years as a "housewife" (she wasn't married though). Doesn't sound like we're too much alike. But we are.
We're both big "geeks". We both enjoy playing video games, a bunch of our early hanging out involved playing "LEGO: Batman". We've also got a game called Dokapon Kingdom that we've put countless hours into. We both love old "pulp" fiction. She told me she loved the book "The Postman Always Rings Twice" by James M Cain and a few others, and my favourite author EVER is Raymond Chandler. (Incidentally Raymond Chandler wrote the screenplay for the movie version of James M Cain's "Double Indemnity). From our love of the books, we've developed a pretty fun hobby of watching old film noirs whenever possible. Wanna know how geeky we are? We bought a mini chess set so we can play chess in bed together. WTF?!!??
Also, I wasn't exactly a model student in university. I was luckily able to coast through on just my smarts and cramming last minute, while partying my ass off the rest of the time. So while it doesn't appear on paper that I had a wild-and-crazy party phase, I definitely did. And she's going back to school in the fall, I bet she does a whole lot better grade-wise than I did.
6) She's freaken gorgeous (and she thinks I'm ok too). Ok, so I'm shallow, but you know this matters. "E" is very atractive. And she's got the kind of classy good looks that I think she's still going to be beautiful when she gets older. She's got beautiful green eyes, a great smile, a great figure, she's just incredible. And she looks good all the time too. Tonight she's sick as a dog with this horrible cold we both got, and she still looks amazing. First thing in the morning. Hot. All dressed up to go out, super hot. Every time I look at her I just say WOW!!! And she says the same kinda stuff about me. She loves my silly curly hair, and likes my beard. She always says I have the cutest smile, and she likes my voice. Mutual attraction....check.
7) Physical compatibility. I think this is just a polite way of saying that the sex is great. And man is it ever. Firstly, we can barely keep our hands off each other. Secondly, when we get it on, it's simply amazing. We're just so in tune with each other. Sweet and gentle, or a little more energetic, we seem to want both in similar proportions. And unless she's really not telling me something, I think we're into about the same level of kinkiness. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.
8) The pupsters. "E" loves my dogs. And they love her. She's really like a "mommy" to them, and does a great job of looking after them while I'm at work, and even when I'm at home. She gets up to let them out and doesn't just leave it to me. No big deal you say? Well, to me this is a sign that she takes our relationship seriously, and is in it for the long haul. Might as well start acting like this is a partnership now, and treating the dogs like part of the family is a pretty quick and easy way to become a part of the family yourself.
9) I'm not tired of her. "What the hell Ren!" you say, "you're not even trying with this one, how do you get tired of someone after only dating for 2 months?". We haven't taken it slow and easy like most relationships. If you're just "dating for 2 months" you might see the person once or twice a week, with a couple sleep-overs thrown in for fun. We on the other hand have been nearly inseparable since the start, and have been living together for about a month already. This is nearly unheard of for me. I get tired of many of my friends after 6-8 hours. Part of why it works is because we do give each other space around the house. She'll be doing her thing in one room and I'll be doing my own thing in the other. We don't need to constantly entertain the other, we have our own stuff going on, but then we always get back together and have "us" fun too. But a bigger part of it is just that we get along so well. We're perfect for each other.
10)We want the same things. Neither of us is getting any younger, and while this is no reason to commit to something less than perfect, it's a good motivator when the right person comes along. I've never really been big on kids, and neither has "E", but when we started talking about it, we both came around to the conclusion that we'd like to have kids together. I don't know where that feeling came from. The thought of having kids has crossed my mind before, but more as just one of those things you're supposed to do eventually, than as something I was seriously into.
So there we go....I'm going to leave it at 10 things. I could keep going here, but this post is stretching out long enough, and I'm since I'll be keeping you up to date as things progress you'll see for yourselves how it's going. I know she's the one. We even went ring shopping "just to look" a couple weeks ago.
We're both big "geeks". We both enjoy playing video games, a bunch of our early hanging out involved playing "LEGO: Batman". We've also got a game called Dokapon Kingdom that we've put countless hours into. We both love old "pulp" fiction. She told me she loved the book "The Postman Always Rings Twice" by James M Cain and a few others, and my favourite author EVER is Raymond Chandler. (Incidentally Raymond Chandler wrote the screenplay for the movie version of James M Cain's "Double Indemnity). From our love of the books, we've developed a pretty fun hobby of watching old film noirs whenever possible. Wanna know how geeky we are? We bought a mini chess set so we can play chess in bed together. WTF?!!??
Also, I wasn't exactly a model student in university. I was luckily able to coast through on just my smarts and cramming last minute, while partying my ass off the rest of the time. So while it doesn't appear on paper that I had a wild-and-crazy party phase, I definitely did. And she's going back to school in the fall, I bet she does a whole lot better grade-wise than I did.
6) She's freaken gorgeous (and she thinks I'm ok too). Ok, so I'm shallow, but you know this matters. "E" is very atractive. And she's got the kind of classy good looks that I think she's still going to be beautiful when she gets older. She's got beautiful green eyes, a great smile, a great figure, she's just incredible. And she looks good all the time too. Tonight she's sick as a dog with this horrible cold we both got, and she still looks amazing. First thing in the morning. Hot. All dressed up to go out, super hot. Every time I look at her I just say WOW!!! And she says the same kinda stuff about me. She loves my silly curly hair, and likes my beard. She always says I have the cutest smile, and she likes my voice. Mutual attraction....check.
7) Physical compatibility. I think this is just a polite way of saying that the sex is great. And man is it ever. Firstly, we can barely keep our hands off each other. Secondly, when we get it on, it's simply amazing. We're just so in tune with each other. Sweet and gentle, or a little more energetic, we seem to want both in similar proportions. And unless she's really not telling me something, I think we're into about the same level of kinkiness. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.
8) The pupsters. "E" loves my dogs. And they love her. She's really like a "mommy" to them, and does a great job of looking after them while I'm at work, and even when I'm at home. She gets up to let them out and doesn't just leave it to me. No big deal you say? Well, to me this is a sign that she takes our relationship seriously, and is in it for the long haul. Might as well start acting like this is a partnership now, and treating the dogs like part of the family is a pretty quick and easy way to become a part of the family yourself.
9) I'm not tired of her. "What the hell Ren!" you say, "you're not even trying with this one, how do you get tired of someone after only dating for 2 months?". We haven't taken it slow and easy like most relationships. If you're just "dating for 2 months" you might see the person once or twice a week, with a couple sleep-overs thrown in for fun. We on the other hand have been nearly inseparable since the start, and have been living together for about a month already. This is nearly unheard of for me. I get tired of many of my friends after 6-8 hours. Part of why it works is because we do give each other space around the house. She'll be doing her thing in one room and I'll be doing my own thing in the other. We don't need to constantly entertain the other, we have our own stuff going on, but then we always get back together and have "us" fun too. But a bigger part of it is just that we get along so well. We're perfect for each other.
10)We want the same things. Neither of us is getting any younger, and while this is no reason to commit to something less than perfect, it's a good motivator when the right person comes along. I've never really been big on kids, and neither has "E", but when we started talking about it, we both came around to the conclusion that we'd like to have kids together. I don't know where that feeling came from. The thought of having kids has crossed my mind before, but more as just one of those things you're supposed to do eventually, than as something I was seriously into.
So there we go....I'm going to leave it at 10 things. I could keep going here, but this post is stretching out long enough, and I'm since I'll be keeping you up to date as things progress you'll see for yourselves how it's going. I know she's the one. We even went ring shopping "just to look" a couple weeks ago.
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